Michelle Ploog optimism positive author

Certain phrases jump out at me and make me nuts!

When it comes to the importance of conscious communication (just ask my boyfriend), I am dedicated. I’m certainly not perfect in my communication, but I practice being my best communicator every day.

The phrase “HAVE TO” drives me cray-zay!

Did you ever think about what the words “have to” imply? Most peeps use these two words almost hourly in their lives and yet “have to” may be more harmful than we realize.

The term “have to” expresses that you are obligated to act, speak or be. It states that you aren’t empowered to choose, but rather you are a victim to an obligation.

We know it doesn’t feel good when someone “has to spend time with us” or “has to finish a task they committed to doing” or “has to be part of a critical life event”.

We want people to “want to” do all of those things. We want others to choose us; to choose to do their best; and to choose to be at our weddings, baby showers, birthdays, funerals, charity events, and ceremonies.

Guess what? Everyone else wants the same thing.

Guess what else? Our language matters! It’s how we understand each other. What you say means something.

So, think about how often you say, “have to” throughout the day. When we use it, we are giving away our power completely.

You either use “have to” as an excuse to get out of something without repercussions or to be a victim to your circumstances. Either way, those simple words “have to” are creating a false sense of who you are and what you are capable of. Obligation and placing yourself as a victim to your circumstances is disempowering.

Choice is empowering

Many times we say that we “have to” do something because although it’s not something we want to do in the present moment, we realize that we want the result it will give us in the future. It’s instant gratification v.s. long-term results…and is a choice rather than a “have to”.

Examples of this:

  • You choose to workout today even when it burns and you feel fatigued, because you want strength, six-pack abs, and a healthy heart.
  • You choose to go on date-night with your partner instead of out with your friends because you want a passionate, intimate relationship.
  • You choose to stay late at the office to finish your work instead of going bowling because you want the bonus.

You are committing time in the present moment to do something of value for the future. Reclaim your power and realize this is a choice.

You don’t HAVE TO do anything. You don’t have to get out of bed, go to work, kiss your partner, help your mom, be kind to a stranger, or go to your child’s soccer practice. You choose to because of your values and your vision for the future.

When you say that you “have to” do something, consider how you are devaluing it – perhaps if not to yourself, but to others.

Consider how different these phrases feel

“I have to go to a baby shower.” OR “I am glad I get to share in the celebration of her life-changing experience.”

“I have to let me mom stay with me.” OR “I want my mom to stay with me because I love her and want quality time with her during her healing process.”

“I have to get out of bed.” OR “I’m so blessed to wake up today! I get to experience another day!”

You see the dramatic difference? How different will you show up in your life and for others with that shift in perspective?

Reclaim your power by taking the “have to” out of your life. Choose to live a life that feeds your soul now and in the future.

Feel like someone else needs to be empowered by this message as well? Send it to them! We light each other up by sharing inspiration.

Thank you for reading and watching!

Much Love and BIG smiles, Michelle Ploog (www.michelleploog.com)