GNN Voices is a new series of first-person pieces from people worth listening to: practitioners, researchers, teachers, and neighbors sharing what they’ve learned and how they see things.
My dad’s name was Kiran. In Sanskrit, it means “a ray of light.”
I wrote my book, Making Sense of Purpose, in his memory. His name is in the subtitle.
My dad found a way to walk with people without carrying them; he found a way to guide them without giving them directions; he held space, he held hands, he held space for their wants, needs and expectations, and then he shined a light on what made them and mattered to them and what’s forward …
This week is Diwali, the festival of lights. This year, I want to make it a gift to everyone. A week to shine a light back on the year and move forward with purpose before we rush into the new one.
Reflect instead of distract
Wanting to avoid a doom scroll is hard. But giving people something to do instead maybe helps.
It happens more because of the environment we built than because of any flaw in us. We grab what fills us without considering whether it nourishes us.
A few minutes of reflection pays us back. Researchers at Harvard Business School found that new employees who spent the last 15 minutes of each training day writing and reflecting on what they’d learned performed 22.8% better on their final test.
Ten questions. Five days. One in the morning, one at night. A few minutes each. Write it down, or just reflect and take note. Either way counts.
The Diwali on Purpose Playbook
Day 1: Start with what’s working
We’re bad at knowing what will make us happy. We rarely get explicit about what made a good moment good. So we never ask people what made them happy; we ask what makes them smile as they reflect.
- Morning: What still makes you smile?
- Night: What have you done recently that impressed you?
Day 2: Who you are
We are strengths to be harnessed. Not weaknesses to be fixed. And our values are who we are when the world is at its messiest. Kennon Sheldon and Andrew Elliot found that when our goals come from our values, we put in more sustained effort and are more likely to reach them.
- Morning: What do you wish more people knew about you and/or turned to you for?
- Night: When this year got messy, what did you hold onto? Then ask someone you love the same question.
Day 3: Where you are
Not every plateau needs to be broken. Self-forgiveness is the single most powerful action, wholly within your control, that allows you to empty your backpack. When we forgive ourselves, the likelihood going forward is that we’ll be faster to break free than if we carry the guilt forward. And big wins are made by small steps.
- Morning: Where do you feel stuck right now? Just name it.
- Night: What’s the first milestone you can finish?
Day 4: How you move through the world
As David McRaney puts it, Anxiety = Fear + Uncertainty. Sorting what we can control, what we can influence and what is outside our control makes uncertainty feel less overwhelming. And compassion is about caring, not carrying.
- Morning: Pick one thing on your mind. What part of it can you control?
- Night: Who are you carrying right now, and how could you care for them without carrying them?
Day 5: Where you’re going
Tasha Eurich’s research suggests only about 15% of us are truly self-aware. Writing helps. It becomes difficult to hide from your truth once you have written it down.
- Morning: The truth about where I am today in my journey is …
- Night: The truth about where I’m going next in my journey is …
Shine a light back
My dad gave me a word; it was his name: Kiran.
A ray of light.
Shine a light on what makes you and matters to you; like my dad did here. In this picture. In a crowded room during a family gathering … this 75 year old man laid on the ground and gazed at his sleeping granddaughter without a concern for anything else around him.
Shine a light back. Move forward with purpose.
Going deeper
This article is the gift.
If you want to go deeper, sign up for a series of reminders to do this work over the course of the week, or buy the book behind the article, fulfilled by a local, independent bookstore.
Suneet Bhatt is the two-time USA Today best-selling author of Making Sense of Purpose. He helps people and organizations get unstuck, build momentum, and operate with purpose, through coaching, workshops, and his course, Find and Evolve your Purpose. He believes purpose is moving from something we pursue as an aspiration to something we need as a foundation.