Competing in pageants was never something that I ever thought I would do. Growing up, I was never a girly girl, and was not at all a model of self-confidence – so how did I manage to compete in a pageant with Bell’s palsy?
I ask myself all the time. ‘Self-confidence’ is something that is uttered in pageantry quite a bit, along with the phrase ‘beauty is on the inside’, or something like that. I will admit that I was one of those people, saying those cliché lines, knowing the meaning but not entirely understanding what it really meant. Thankfully, now I do, and hopefully my story is able to give you a bit of insight as to what being ‘beautiful on the inside’ really means.
Another visit to the doctor confirmed my condition but stated that the symptoms would not get much worse. Unfortunately for me, he was wrong. My speech became so slurred that I was unable to communicate properly, I could hardly eat or drink, my vision came blurred in one eye, my face completely drooped and the constant strain on my face gave me incredible migraines. Oh, and I couldn’t do my pageant smile either.
I am going to be brutally honest, even if I come across a bit shallow; I cried a lot. All of my hard work, in that moment, had seemed to be for nothing and my dream of being the next Miss Galaxy Australia seemed to fly right out the window. I am not beautiful like this. I am so embarrassed of myself, I look and sound horrific. I still competed though, oh yes, I did. As much as I was embarrassed and as much as I wanted to give up, I still went.
Now, walking into a room full of beautiful women, looking the way that I did, has to have been one of the hardest thing that I put my self-esteem through. How did I feel adequate in a room full of pageant beauties, looking the way that I did? I just lifted my head, wiped my tears and hoped that my time at finals would get better.
Once I explained my condition to the other girls they were nothing but supportive of me. My sense of humor came out and I was able to thrive in a way that, the majority of the time, I forgot that I was even sick. However, the day that I was truly dreading was drawing near; pageant day. I still had to walk on stage in front of hundreds of people and perform like this. I was terrified, but I couldn’t back out now.
I was very surprised at how well I did to be very honest. I strutted and I walked, I spun and I had a really good time! After all, I was allowed to. I was able to walk on stage and have fun, with no expectations of how I should walk, or turn, or look. I was able to be myself without any judgement, and I felt so happy about it that I smiled my half-grimace half-smile with pride! On that night I rediscovered myself. From that point I could say that I was beautiful and that I was confident, on the inside.
You could still imagine my disbelief when I got called out as one of the top 15. It was the first time all week that I cried happy tears. The applause stunned and humbled me. My time at nationals ended with a bang and a lot of congratulations and praise. The week that I was dreading became one of the best weeks of my life.
Am I competing again, you ask? Of course! I will be returning to the Australia Galaxy Pageants National Stage again in April of this year and you bet that I will be back and better than ever. Keep an eager eye out, I may just be Miss Galaxy Australia 2017!
Anyway, the main point that I was trying to get across through my story was that confidence is beauty. HONESTLY! Not your face or your waistline or your $5,000 ball gown. It truly is you; and I just proved it.
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