One of the radical truths I’ve learned through my years as a happiness coach, spiritual teacher, and student is that our intimate relationships are often the most challenging to manifest and maintain.

When we’ve either welcomed the wrong relationship into our lives or have run from the right ones, we end up alone and often yearning for the “perfect man”.

Time to face facts: there is no “perfect man”. Fantasies aren’t reality and when we choose to live in a fantasy, we miss out on the greatness of reality.


So, if you are ready to attract your soul match (not “perfect man”) there are some basic rules for love manifestation:

1. You attract what you are… OR what you believe you deserve.

If you constantly have insecure thoughts about yourself or have a low self-esteem and low self-worth, the men you attract will either capitalize on your insecurities or try to rescue you. Likely, you will only be attracted to the guy that is putting you down or rejecting you because he is reflecting your ego’s belief that you’re not good enough. Our ego wants to be right and will always find the proof it needs to be right.

This lack of self-worth will attract “players”, jerks, control-freaks, and abusers. If you meet a great guy that’s giving you love that you don’t believe you deserve, you’re likely to toss him out. So YOU need to change YOUR mind about YOURSELF. You do deserve to be loved. You are beautiful, talented, smart, and fun. You are enough. Believe that!

2. Ditch the list!

Stop looking at the things you identify as the “perfect man” for you.

“6’5, brown hair, brown eyes, straight teeth, broad shoulders, plays tennis, likes sushi, works in finance, drives a BMW, travels for work, like to play scrabble, blah blah blah…”

Does this sound familiar? Okay, maybe that’s not your list and perhaps you’ve never written it down, BUT you may have a mental checklist of superficial characteristics that he must have. It’s a good idea to have standards on the external – like maybe 3 must haves and those should be simple (job, healthy, car).

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I’ve seen it too many times where a woman does find a guy with everything on her list and then (insert suspense music) there is no chemistry whatsoever! Be honest, do you want that perfect picture or do you want to feel loved, appreciated, inspired, and connected?

I chose to go with manifesting from the feelings I wanted a long time ago and found the love of my life. It’s not what I thought it would look like, because it’s so much better! My heart sings when he walks into the room. I can’t wait to hear about his day and then playfully wrestle and laugh every night! I wanted the real thing, not the picture – and I got it!

3. Trust your instincts not your ego.

The ego is deceptive in both the positive and the negative, but both forms the ego takes can prevent you from being your truest self and falling in love with someone else’s truest self. Your ego can also blind you from engaging with an amazing guy and attract you to the worst-for-you guy.

In a relationship, your gut will tell you when it’s right and when it isn’t. There is actually a tiny, brain-like sensory system at your solar plexus that receives and transmits information – this is when you know something at a gut level. Your ego may block you, but your gut knows better. So listen to your instincts and let them guide you toward love.

4. Be open and willing.

First be open and willing to meet someone; and second open and willing to work through the challenges that arise in a relationship. If you learn that the person isn’t the right fit for you, you’ll walk away a better communicator and a wiser woman.

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It’s not always easy to be open and willing when you’ve been knocked down from past experiences, but if you want someone fabulous – it’s time to heal the wounds and open yourself up for something great to come your way!

Start with these and visit my website if you’re looking for more tools!

Photo by Ale Art, CC

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